Jul 11 · 169,407 notes · reblog

Jul 11 · 213 notes · reblog

"I spent a lot of time wondering if it would matter if I died."
"In the macro sense, no. You’re one cheerio in the bulk box full of life. But you fucking tickle me, so I think it would matter." 

Jul 11 · 2,577 notes · reblog


this fucker keeps me goin

Jul 11 · 17,034 notes · reblog

Jul 11 · 49,860 notes · reblog

why yalls garlic bread so nasty


What the fuck. What thef. Uck. You come on here, you come into my house, you take a shit on my post you shit on garlic bread, you shit on everything I stand for, on this, the day of my daughter’s wedding… .

Jul 11 · 6,768 notes · reblog

  • baby: d-d-d..
  • dad: daddy? are you trying to say daddy?
  • baby: D I C K S Q U A D
Jul 11 · 6,482 notes · reblog

Jul 11 · 47,886 notes · reblog




My dad and I were in a hotel and he tried the coffee and smiled and said “ahh, it’s like making love in a canoe.” and I said, “it’s that good?” and he stopped smiling and looked me in the eye and said, “no, it’s fucking close to water" before pouring it down the drain really dramatically and walking away.

Oh my GOD.

Extreme dad jokes.

Jul 11 · 269,126 notes · reblog

Jul 11 · 6,377 notes · reblog